A Cauldron Filled with Bubblebath

Scary Robots, Grrrrrrr

2009-08-07T00:35:12Z

We will never face a robot uprising because it's mathematically impossible for a computer program to determine even the most basic facts about other programs. Consider: a computer program comes in two flavors: one follows a list of instructions until completed (or forever because the instructions result in an "infinite loop"), the other sometimes follows a list of instructions and sometimes either waits to receive input (e.g. the user clicks on the mouse or types on the keyboard, or another bit of code sends it a number or some text) and then generally responds to that input according to other predefined instructions, or actively gathers input (to which it also generally responds).

The best a computer program can do to analyze another program is identify the points of entry through which the other program can receive input, identify the type of input accepted, and monitor the result. The inferences a computer can draw here are severely limited. Imagine a point of entry on a computer program takes in a number, let's call it x, and as a result, a window on the monitor displays the square root of (((x + 38) squared) - 438)/261.9 - 5 * x + 3 to the xth power, because this formula has some important scientific significance (as far as I know, it doesn't).

The only way to determine for certain that this is what the program does is to already have the formula in hand and to enter every possible number into the program and see if the result was what we'd expect it to be. Of course, there exist an infinity of positive numbers and an infinity of negative numbers, and if you add decimal places there are infinitely more numbers. To be fair, computer programs usually (but need not) use numbers whose range is limited, and even if they don't, for practical purposes the size of the number you can send into a program is limited by the amount of memory available for the operation (yes, you can have a number too large to fit on your hard drive and temporary memory combined. For example, pi); however, even if we get the correct result we want with every practical number, we can't be sure we'll get the same result every time for *any* number. We may only get this result the first time, or the first three times, or only for odd numbers, or only for odd numbers divisible by prime numbers, or only for odd numbers divisible by prime numbers when the previous number entered into the program was the square of a number divisible by 2 + the remainder of itself divided by 16.

Since the program's response to the number we give it might depend on the numbers we've already sent the program, we have to try every combination. In other words, we have to give the program one number, then restart it. We have to try every combination of one number, every possible sequence of entering two numbers (including repeats), every combination of three numbers... every combination of 9999 billion numbers... it never stops.

At least not with 100% certainty. We can always guess if we decide (arbitrarily) we've got enough data.

But we're still assuming we have the formula. If not, though we might try generating a formula at random and seeing if it fits, there exist an infinity of possible formulas we might generate, and we have to try every sequence of numbers on every formula, under every imaginable set of conditions. It would take a fast computer millenia to make a good guess. And even then, it doesn't know what the formula means.

And this is a rudimentary program. Programs with any kind of power have much more than one point of entry, and with even two points of entry, you explode the possible input combinations (one number into point one, then one into point two, then six numbers into point one, then 2 int point two..... etc.), and your guess at what the program does becomes much less likely to be correct.

Why does it matter that computer programs can't really read computer programs? To put it simply, you need to learn to read before you can write, and while computers can randomly generate programs if told to do so, those programs can only be composed out of preexisting instructions. So, the only way a robot's doing us harm is if we program it to do us harm. Cyborgs are a different story.

Even so, Military Researchers Develop Corpse-Eating Robots is not the most reassuring headline I've ever seen. Let's hope there's a good kill-switch tied into good heat sensors.

Writer's Block: I May Be Crazy

2009-08-06T22:49:08Z

What does this Rorschach blot look like to you?

View 559 Answers

Siamese twin angels.

Citizen Obama

2009-07-24T00:20:51Z

LJ is having trouble with letting me embed the video, so here's a simple link to Jon Stewart's take on the ridiculous Obama citizenship thing.

Sotomayor Schools Hatch in Nunchucks

2009-07-15T16:05:32Z

Perception of Science

2009-07-09T23:42:18Z

Here's an interesting report on poll findings detailing how opinions differ between scientists and the general public on a variety of issues, including science, scientists, and politics.

Conditioning

2009-06-05T22:42:58Z

I work in a high-security building, where everyone is required to take elevators instead of stairs (except going down in case of emergency). The elevators are secure because you have to enter a special code on a keypad to get to your floor instead of just pushing a floor number.

I work on the second of 20 floors. This means that when I get in the elevator going down around lunch time or the end of the day, there's someone else in it. Usually a crowd.

For whatever reason, the last two days on my way home I've stepped into an empty elevator. And stood there for five minutes staring at the doors before realizing I have to push a button to make it go down.

The GOP Needs Its Own 'Secret Speech' Repudiating the Cheney Era

2009-05-19T15:13:33Z

By Jacob Heilbrunn

This is a big week for the GOP. Two events suggest that it isn't detached from reality. It's oblivious to it.

The first event takes place on Wednesday, when the Republican National Committee, as today's Washington Times reports, will hold a special meeting at National Harbor in Maryland to decide whether or not to endorse a resolution demanding that the Democratic Party call itself the "Democrat Socialist Party." RNC chairman Michael S. Steele is resisting the resolution even as he uses the term socialist to describe the Obama administration's fiscal policies.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall when the Solons of the GOP debate the fine points of economic theory to decide whether or not President Obama really qualifies as a socialist intent on imposing communist-style collectivism upon America. Will they feverishly be consulting their Hegel, Lasalle, and Kautsky as they lash each other into a frenzy of indignation over the nature of true socialist doctrine? No doubt Obama will be quaking in fear over the fate of this resolution.

(read the rest of the article)

Tyrion Lannister = Peter Dinklage

2009-05-06T21:42:09Z

This is by far the best possible choice for Tyrion. I am giddy.

baaaaa

2009-04-08T02:31:06Z

Following sekl.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch-hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run/walked a marathon (walked, of course)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen a geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business (a BBS, when I was in high school.. never really got off the ground)
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone hang gliding
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone's life (I assume. Isn't this implicit in 64?)
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

Busy Day After a Busy Weekend

2009-04-07T02:22:30Z

Spent the weekend trying to exhaust a puppy more energetic than myself and Acacia combined. Today, took her (the puppy, not Acacia, though she was present also, and actually more responsible for the taking) to the vet for a preliminary check-up, secured custom-molded orthotics and a prophylactic to thwart my nocturnal bruxing, put in six hours at the office, finally connected my desktop computer for the first time after moving in October in order to utilize its card reader which is the only means I currently possess to extract digital images from my camera's flash memory card, and endeavored further to exhaust the aforementioned juvenile canine.

There are frustrating and disgusting (respectively) stories to go with the orthotics and the night guard, so I'll proceed in that order (and stick the night guard story behind a cut for those of faint heart as well as those who've recently eaten).

First, the orthotics. Several months ago, I developed knee pains, such that whenever I bent my left knee at sharp enough angle, it felt as though some invisible demigoblin was pressing an open flame against it. One x-ray, one MRI, and thousands of milligrams of ibuprofen later, we determined that every bone and muscle directly involved with my knee was undamaged, so the pain must have been caused elsewhere. A podiatrist agreed with my theory that my flat, pronated feet were responsible, and so put a plaster cast on each of my feet for all of fifteen minutes in order to record their shape.

The orthotics would arrive, he prophesied, in approximately three weeks, so to be safe, we made an appointment one month to the day later. I arrived then, fifteen minutes early (taking time, as was necessary, from work). The next forty five minutes of my life bought me one portentous question: "Sir, did you only come here to pick up your orthotics?"

"I did."

"Ah. Yes. Well, they're not here yet. Let's arrange another summit, shall we? How does one week's passage of the moon 'round the Earth in its ceaseless solar orbit suit your convenience?"

The ritual words we then did utter, and stole I a vow that telephonic heralds should harbinger the arrival of my fucking shoe implants before I wasted any more time heating their waiting-room chairs. "Oh, yes, we always call the day before to confirm your appointment^*. I'll write down a note here so that whoever makes that call remembers to tell you whether or not your orthotics have arrived."

^*They had not called to confirm my appointment that day, nor have I ever received any phone call from their office to confirm an appointment any day since that day.

Since I didn't receive a confirmation call the day before my next appointment, I didn't go. That was enough to produce a call. Happily, I was at work, and didn't notice my phone vibrating in my pocket, and had time to calm my wits before responding to the voice mail berating me for missing my appointment. Of special interest here is the fact that the angry man in the recording included, angrily, "your orthotics are here," as if to convey that I really screwed up this time because they hadn't messed up again. Except for the part where they forgot to call me, which this person should have known about if he knew enough about the significance of the presence of my orthotics to emphasize it in his lecture.

At any rate, we rescheduled for today, and I went in and got them today, and my first reaction was, "Oh, so this is what it's supposed to feel like to walk." Really, it makes much more sense this way.

And now, a disgusting story about the inside of a mouth.

So, a while ago, I had this earache. Only the ENT couldn't see anything wrong inside my ear (this is becoming the story of my life). I postulated TMJ, since my mother has TMJ and my jaw always hurts. The dentist confirmed TMJ, and placed a slimy mold up against the roof of my mouth. The slug-like mold slithered back until it oozed over my gag reflexes, and gag I did, ejecting the entire contents of my mouth in the process. So the dentist applied a numbing agent to the back of my throat, and took a second mold without a hitch.

Afterward, I felt as though perhaps a small piece of the mold had split off like so much overstretched silly-putty and lodged itself in my throat, so I filled my cup with water, gargled, and spat a few times. The sensation didn't go away, and the dentist said, "That tingling won't go away for a while." I decided to leave it alone, and we proceeded with the tooth-cleaning.

About half an hour later, I coughed, and it was as if someone had pulled a plug in my throat. Water rose (yes, it slowly rose) up out of my throat and half-filled my mouth. Water, and mold. It wasn't painful, and it brought on no further coughing or gagging; however, there were people around, and I had no polite way to dispose of it. Someone was speaking to me and required a response. I panicked and swallowed.

And now you will be thankful the next time I go years without really posting in my livejournal.

Puppy

2009-04-06T23:35:43Z

Elizabeth gets a close-up:

Elizabeth falls through the cracks:

Elizabeth projects a rabbit from her forehead:

Elizabeth smirks:

Elizabeth takes herself seriously for a moment:

It's Spiderman!

2009-03-24T22:37:49Z

http://scifiwire.com/2009/03/real-life-spider-man-resc.php

All Memes, All The Time

2009-02-20T23:06:38Z

Following sekl and kayshabeast:

-Describe me in one word- just one single word. Positive or negative.

-Leave your word in a comment, before looking at what words others have used.

-Copy and paste the meme to your journal to find out how people describe you when limited to one word.

In a Nutshell

2009-02-16T13:24:57Z

you are lightcyan
#E0FFFF

Your dominant hues are green and blue. You're smart and you know it, and want to use your power to help people and relate to others. Even though you tend to battle with yourself, you solve other people's conflicts well.

Your saturation level is very low - you have better things to do than jump headfirst into every little project. You make sure your actions are going to really accomplish something before you start because you hate wasting energy making everyone else think you're working.

Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

maldis @ 2009-01-31T12:34:00

2009-01-31T17:34:25Z

...

2009-01-23T03:18:50Z

Tee hee!

2008-11-26T18:15:49Z

I am eating lunch at home, because the walk from work is so short. I feel so mischievous.

Hate to Say I Told You So

2008-11-21T13:39:55Z

Well, it's happened. It's snowing. In the middle of November. It's snowing all day, and it's cold enough that it might stick to the ground. On the last day before we move, and I have that terrible walk. If the ground's actually covered when I get out of work tonight, I'm taking a cab home.

Yeargh

2008-11-15T02:47:58Z

According to Mapquest, the distance I walk every morning to work is 1.26 miles, and I walk home again in the evenings. This has not been as difficult as you might think, after the first week or so (which followed a mostly sedentary period from early May to early October, between graduating and finding a job. Sorry, you'd know these facts if I were better about updating my Livejournal, but the problem is I suck. Anyway,) that is, it's been surprisingly easy up until the last few days. It's become so much harder because a week after tomorrow, we're moving, and the walk distance shrinks to .31 miles. Still, so long as climate change doesn't cover the streets of Philadelphia in snow in the next eight days, I think I can keep myself in check.

Happy

2008-11-05T13:21:09Z

Meme Time

2008-10-23T12:22:21Z

Following sekl:

You Should Be Allowed to Vote

You got 15/15 questions correct.

Generally speaking, you're very well informed.

If you vote this election, you'll know exactly who (and what) you'll be voting for.

You're likely to have strong opinions, and you have the facts to back them up.

Should You Be Allowed to Vote?

October Surprise

2008-10-18T00:24:08Z

On My Best Behavior Today

2008-09-25T18:57:14Z

Unbelievable

2008-09-24T19:02:27Z

Just how far will the McCain campaign go to keep Sarah Palin from the press?

Campbell Brown says enough is enough, and even Rush Limbaugh is running out of patience with the campaign's antics.

Jaw, Meet Floor

2008-09-17T13:38:58Z

Okay, now Palin's claiming she actually fired Monegan for insuboordination, because he sought federal funding for a program she vetoed that would have more aggressively pursued child molesters.

I thought it was bad enough when she forced sexual assault victims to pay for their own rape kits.

W. T. F.